It’s the end of September. They need the space to drop off the wood so it can acclimate before it’s installed. The obvious place for it, our son’s bedroom. He is a junior in college and spends less and less time home each year. There are years of memories in that room. Posters of superheroes, artwork, awards, and plenty of stuff. I had asked him to take what he wanted to keep and put it aside before he left for school. He did not. I really wasn’t looking forward to cleaning out his room. Now, I love cleaning out, going through and making over spaces. But this was different. This meant the closing of one chapter and opening a new one. And this was a great chapter filled with some of my favorite memories.
Day one. I walk into the room, look around, sit on the bed, have a good cry, walk out of the room and close the door. Day two. Nothing. Day three. I open a drawer and begin. You may be thinking, she should box it all up and let him deal with it. I did, well, partly. My son is awesome but having an attention span to go through things from his childhood is not one of his skills high in the toolbox of life. Ugh, why was this so hard for me? I am a happy, upbeat person. These feelings of sadness were not sitting well with me.
And that’s when it truly hit me. I was sad. I was grieving what had been. It’s okay to grieve and feel the feels, but when the time arises, we get the opportunity to let go and move on. I needed (wanted) to let go of his childhood and make room for the new adventures we would have as he entered adulthood. This didn’t lessen the memories or how much they filled the spaces of my heart. It just allowed me to appreciate it from a different perspective (hilltop). Sometimes, it’s just time to let it go. And it was time. After that epiphany, I was able to get the job done. He has several bags to go through at his convenience, but I am happy to report the room is empty and ready for its next phase of life.
What did I learn about myself during this process? By letting go of the hold I had on the past, it created space for me to see my son in a different light. I was able to have nothing but wonder about his future and truly appreciate the season of life we are in with him.
Appreciation is the gift of letting go. Even the hard seasons we go through, we can let them go and move on. In time, we can appreciate what those seasons created in us. Grief usually accompanies tough things, but grief is part of the cycle of our lives. Without it we wouldn’t process loss, heal or move forward. From it we grow. Sometimes, it’s an amazing season but we need to let it go because it’s time to move forward instead of staying where we are. This leads to the next part. What are you leaning into?
A wonderful exercise my clients like to do is discovering their core values. This connects us to choose what we want to lean into now that we’ve created space by letting go of those things that are blocking us from growing. Getting to know our core values helps us to be more intentional about our choices, how we show up, view the world and even how we interact with others. Core values can provide insight into the way people or things either align or come up against us. Click on this link to begin the journey of discovering your core values.
There are several ways to connect with your core values. I recommend circling the ones that resonate with you right away. Think about how these values have shown up in your life in both highs and lows. Next, group together ones that seem to be related and then prioritize within those groups. Ultimately, you will narrow them down to around five core values. This isn’t a timed exercise so take your time and really allow yourself to meditate on what you value. Discovering your core values will now begin to inform you about your OOS (Own Operating System) as well as give you deeper understanding and compassion to see how other people operate because of their value system. Our values tend to be based in worth/importance and our beliefs are more about our convictions.
Some of my core values are fun, family and connection. By letting go of this chapter of my son’s childhood, I valued all three with reflection and appreciation. Moving forward, I opened up blank pages to be filled with new adventures, memories and conversations in the present. What a gift!
